In The Mind Of The Prisoners

I've never been a prisoner and I pray never ever to be one in this unjust world. But trust me when I say I know how prisoners feel when confined to the four walls of a prison.

This is a big cat I'm letting out of the bag. I had the unhappy occasion of spending a few hours in police confinement due to a business misunderstanding I had with someone I called a friend. I say few hours because the close to 40 hours I spent in confinement was nothing compared to the duration some of my cellmates spent under lock and key. Some spent close to 10 years in both prison and police custody in the name of remand.

It happened over a decade ago but I vividly remember events of the darkest hours of my life. Ironically, these darkest hours could be described as my most enlightening hours as well. We were about 120 inmates in a small cell with a WC toilet which had no water flowing. The stench was so nauseating that I could not swallow a morsel of food during my stay in the cell. I survived the ordeal by nourishing my body with only water.

Hey, I had that luxury because I knew my presence in the cell was a mistake in the first place and there was no way I could be convicted on the flimsy charge filed by my friend. I knew I was bound to get my freedom sooner than later. But do you reckon inmates who had spent weeks and months in confinement could have had that luxury?

At night, the lucky ones amongst us who could afford 'the cell fee', scrambled for the little space made available to us by the cell leader. We slept on our sides as there wasn't enough space for one to sleep on the back or the stomach. The unlucky ones were compelled to stand on their feet till the following morning. Life was simply unbearable for the inmates.

Obviously, the number one wish of all the inmates was to gain their freedom. But I kept wondering which wish would be next or last on their scale of preference. Those questions were answered during my conversation with some of the inmates. I came to the conclusion that their next worry was the inhumane cell conditions, followed by their inability to release their libidinous pleasures when their langa-langas stood at the attention position.

The wishes of my cellmates could not be any different from the wishes of the average Asomdwekromanian prisoner. With my little experience, I can confidently say I know the mind of the average Asomdwekromanian prisoner. What the average prisoner needs are speedy trials, good foods, better toilet and housing facilities and the opportunity to allow his better half to blow his vuvuzela.

Indeed, one needn't be a rocket scientist to know the aforementioned. It only requires common sense. But it seems common sense is not so common after all.

It beats my imagination that with all these problems begging to be solved, a learned professor would prefer voting by prisoners to providing them the little things that will make them live like humans, and not animals. It is a wonder, my compatriot!

It is an open secret that our prisoners are virtually living like animals. It also no secret that our prisons have become breeding places for homosexuals as the denial of their conjugal rights has compelled some of them to resort to sodomy.

In my view, and obviously the view of those who respect the civil liberties of man, conjugal rights of the prisoner ranks higher on the ladder than his voting rights. It is the reason civilized societies grant prisoners the right to conjugal visits by their spouses.

But here in the land of jokers, we always put the cart before the horse. We always waste time and resources on mundane issues, leaving very important ones to rot.

So I ask; now that the President has directed the Electoral Commission (EC) to do all in its power to make sure prisoners vote in the 2012 polls, what is he doing about their conjugal rights? The answer is obvious, isn't it?

I'm wondering; just wondering oo! Could his indifference to the sodomy cancer in our prisons be because he himself is a fag?

With the date of the next election approaching with Usain Bolt-like speed, and the tension between the two leading parties rising by the day, I cannot imagine what would happen should there be a heated argument between prisoners on the opposite sides of the political divide. Frankly, I shudder to imagine what would happen!

I read somewhere that ignoring the other rights of the prisoner and ensuring only his voting rights would create the unfortunate impression that we lack compassion and common sense.

I, however, beg to differ. It would not only create that unfortunate impression, but also confirm that we certainly lack compassion and common sense. That is the truth. And the truth is sometimes very bitter, isn't it?